Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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