sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
