but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's never too late to be topless.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
