i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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