dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
