Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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