I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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