went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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