I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
