If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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