problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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