We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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