if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
How's work?
Spinning.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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