You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
