I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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