She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
tell me about the eggs
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