i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
