the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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