everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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