the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Alive.
So much puke
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
