Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
