Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
