im about as happy as oj after his trial
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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