haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
