I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
