now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
