So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
