yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
