yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
