Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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