My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
