I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize