white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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