just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
