Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
