yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
