Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
