How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
