I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
