im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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