Sry I called you an 8
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
