Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
