you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize