WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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