walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
