I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
that's an acceptable place to lick
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
