I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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