imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
