Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
