it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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