I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
