You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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