Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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