He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
