Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
