woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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