I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
jump out the window naked night went bad
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