I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
