Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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