I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
