yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
even my farts smell like vagina
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
