tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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