you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
