Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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