Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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