I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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