She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
