i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
