am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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