she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize