Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
