Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
