you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
