My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize