I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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