Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
