she peed on how many people?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
