if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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