she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
